I have a friend who is a runner. She runs races all the time. She runs for miles. (I'm lucky if I can run one mile without feeling like I'm having a massive coronary.) Besides running, everything else she does is amazing too. She's a great mom, a thoughtful friend, and an awesome knitter. (Also, she looks half her age. I think she might bathe in moisturizer. Or have secret weekly chemical peels. Or maybe she steals the skin of 20-year olds while they sleep. Not quite sure...)
Anyways, today I was at work and this friend sent me an email telling me that she had signed up to do a Tough Mudder event. She said she was dieting because she had gained a little weight over the winter and because she needed to do a little preparation for this. (I told her I was dieting in preparation to fit into some real pants.) She told me to go check out their website.
Day 5 of the 30 Day Picture Shenanigans is a picture of my face when I went to the Tough Mudder website:
The first thing I noticed was that their logo appears to be a man on fire. I'll let you decide.
It was at this point that I sent this email to my friend:
"Um...dude...I did as you suggested and checked out the website. I couldn’t help but notice that their logo is a man who appears to be on fire. Also, someone on the website immediately started yelling at me. Also, check between your legs because I think you may have gained weight in the form of two big hairy balls!
You are amazing! Can I come cheer you on from the safety of the sidelines while drinking a beer???"
I then decided to explore this "event" further. The website described the Tough Mudder as an "obstacle course" (on steroids) involving "10-12 miles of hills, mud, water, ropes, walls, electric shocks, and fire designed to push you to your limit. Want more?" Fuck no! It was at this point that I sent the following email to my friend:
"Um...were you drinking when you signed up for this? Fire? Electric shocks?
Dude, you are going to have some serious street cred when you are done with this."
After perusing the site a little more, I noticed a link that said "Are You Tough Enough? Take the Quiz". (I strongly suggest that you all take The Quiz. It's actually kind of amusing.) Anyway, clearly the answer to that question is that I am not now, nor will I ever be, tough enough to do this. (I might someday be crazy enough to sign up, but I'd probably be stupid enough to do so without a team so when I try to climb the wall at the start I will be trampled to death in the mud and sweat of all the other ToughMudders.) Here are some of my favorite questions from the quiz:
I do not know why "dying" is not an option.
People. Duh.
I scored a 63, which puts me at the second-lowest level, "Maybe Mudder".
Oh, and in the list of things to bring to the event (besides your own coffin) they ask that you bring a photo ID. They give this as an example:
Hahahahahaha.
In closing, I wish my friend the best and she has my full support as she trains for and conquers this thing! (I would like you all to note that this is the woman who once said that she was afraid of me because I eat plain Greek yogurt. Yeah, I'm clearly the badass one here.)
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